An Ironic Plethora of Thoughts 2018 Style

• Someone please explain to me why exit row seats don't recline on planes. If anything, you think they'd be able to recline more, you know, in case of a real emergency.
• Can cell phones get STDs from those public charging stations at the airport?  I mean, that's a lot of daily public insertion going on there.
• During Christmas time, would it be unreasonable to ask the Salvation Army to give me an "I already gave that other dude money" slip when I donate on the way in?  That way I can give it to the other guy on my way out and avoid the Scrooge-like eye contact going on there otherwise.
• Do you think that auto repair shops cheer when they hear about car accidents on the radio so they can get more business?   Local traffic report- "Accident on I-29 Southbound near the 41st St Exit..."  Repair Shop-"YES!! (high fives)"
• It's actually been scientifically proven that there are more crumbs in a single toaster than there are grains of  sand on every single beach in the world.
• I love shopping at my local Ace Hardware, but the receipt printer that they use is archaic beyond belief and literally adds 4-6 seconds to every shopping trip.  Like incredibly long awkward pause-like between me and the cashier.  Ok, I realize 4-6 seconds isn't that big of a deal, but actually the real issue is that with free popcorn just 5 steps away, that's a LONG time to wait to start devouring my free bag of freshly popped kernels.
• My favorite thing about Christmas trees is the off-the-deck "get out of here you sticky, sappy thing" throw after it so warmly gave its last month of life being the center of our living room's Christmas spirit.
• I wish somebody would tell Google that when I check the box, "Don't ask for codes again on this computer" it would mean precisely that, instead of, "Always ask for codes on this computer."  Come on, Google. 
• The dental center that I go to sent me two emails, two texts and one "courtesy" phone call to remind me of my upcoming regular check-up.  It's amazing, but I still remembered to go on the right day and time.
• In 8th grade, my friend had a watch that he could tune like a universal remote to basically any tv, so in our History class he set it to that tv's frequency and kept turning the tv on randomly throughout class, much to the teacher's dismay.  It was fabulously hilarious. Funny how technology from nearly a quarter century ago could be so fun.
• Either granola bars and kudos are getting smaller, or I'm still getting bigger. Maybe both. Either way, I swear one of these days I'll open one of those wrappers up and there'll be nothing in it.