Thursday, August 4, 2016

An Ironic Plethora of Thoughts




  • Gotta love when you fill up with gas and pay at the pump and just get absolutely hammered with questions: Would you like a car wash? Y/N   Would you like a receipt?  Y/N    Do you have a points card?  Y/N   Would you like for me to shut up and stop asking you questions so that you can just freaking fill up and get the hell out of here?  Y
  • In the history of airport parking, it’s actually been confirmed that no human ever has gotten one of those front row spots.  I’m pretty sure that God planted cars there at the beginning of time.  Either that or the people that parked there flew away and never came back.  
  • I’m not afraid to change clocks to the right time anywhere that I am.
  • Shouldn’t those annoying microwave beeps be a thing of the past by now?  I mean it’s 2016 for goodness sakes, I want some microwave ringtones man.
  • In the next several years, it is quite possible that it’ll require taking out a second mortgage to be able to pay for a large pizza at Godfather’s “menu price.”
  • How is it that when kids play with the remote control they seem to find buttons that don’t exist?
  • A cow would eat itself, right?  I mean no way it’d turn down a steaming hot cheeseburger.  And no freaking way that a pig doesn’t seriously chomp on some bacon.
  • Sometimes if the checkout clerk at HyVee gets going too fast for my comfort level in taking items out of my shopping cart, I’ll pull out the fruits and veggies so that they have to weigh them and slow down.  Take that overly fast checkout helper person, I like to checkout at my own pace.
  • I wonder in the history of planet Earth if anyone has ever ordered anything off of the HuHot menu.  #EndlessBuffet
  • Directv recently told me that my remote control batteries were low by prompting me on the screen with options of “Ok or More Info.”  What “More Info” could I possibly need to know?


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